Lately there has been this one song by Daya that plays alllllllll the time. It often gets stuck in my head and I find myself singing the hook as I wash dishes or fold laundry:
"Where do the good boys go to hide away, hide away?"
The first verse is just as catchy as the hook:
"Boys seem to like the girls
who laugh at anything.
The ones who get undressed
before the second date."
And I'm thinking: Sing it, Girl. SING IT. Because Amen and Alleluia.
And honestly: Where DO the good boys go to hide away these days?
I've had this question asked to me by so many young ladies, I have lost count.
Are they at the club? Or church? Or the grocery store? Or maybe the library?
The answer is yes. They are in all those places.
But I think maybe the things that make them a "good" guy or someone's future Prince Charming are not so easily noticed without one key ingredient:
Friendship.
Don't get me wrong. I get the desire to have this "we locked eyes from across the room and instantly knew that we were meant to be," experience. But when I look around at a lot of my old married friends--I can honestly say that a good number of these couples started out as friends.
Sometimes one had even "friend-zoned" the other, just to end up finding themselves in love AFTER a beginning of true friendship.
If you think about what good friendship IS made up of--honesty, respect, care, investment---and what it IS NOT made up of-- pressure, stress, games, awkwardness---it's easy to see why friendship is actually a really beautiful, really vital part of any romantic relationship. Because love at first sight may sound amazing and dreamy and all that jazz, but I guarantee, it is the stuff that is born out of a sincere respect for the other person that is the good stuff.
And a sincere respect comes for really knowing the person.
And really knowing a person comes from profound friendship (incidentally this is the way we fall in love with Jesus--profound friendship.)
The honest truth is that good, strong marriages cannot live on butterfly feelings alone--and there will be some days when one or both people don't "feel" like staying married. In those times, what can carry a couple is the stuff that makes up the very foundation of relationship---faith, commitment, and yes friendship.
My own Prince Charming looked at first like my roommate's high school best friend. He was a guy who didn't even live in the same town as me--so even though I found him super cute--it never occurred to me that we could date. But he was a guy who always treated me with such kindness and respect when we hung out. He was someone who made me laugh out loud. He was the guy who looked beyond my embarrassment at not knowing how to dance and pulled me on the dance floor. Our beginning was a sweet, honest, true friendship. And all these years later, that same guy is my very best friend and also the absolute love of my life. The same things that made him a good friend then, makes him my BEST friend now. He is my biggest fan, my other half--the person I count on for truth, love, goodness, growth, fun....and a ton more. He is my ultimate Prince Charming. Our deep friendship--our mutual respect has played a part in making me fall head over heels in love with him again and again.
I'm not saying that every friend you meet is destined to be your Prince Charming. But I do think there is something to be said about going out into the world and pursuing deep and abiding friendships. I think having guys in your life who love and respect you as a friend is a win win situation. Both of you get someone who comes without crazy strings and insane expectations. And friendships like that may turn out to be the beginning of something beautiful.
Always in your corner,
Alissa
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