Did you know it was National NFP week? Me neither. My husband actually brought it to my attention after reading an article a priest friend of ours posted. NFP has been a hot topic around our house for the last year or so. Well actually the last ten years or so. But before then, I had NO IDEA what it even was. It could have stood for National Federation of Panda-lovers for all I knew. I had no idea before I got married what an instrumental role NFP would play in my marriage, my sex life, my family life, my health and my trust.
We've had a long and winding path with those three little words: Natural Family Planning. There have been times when NFP in my ears sounded more like &*#$%&@. In those times NFP has felt like a bad word, a bad idea and sometimes a heavy cross. And then there have been times when I have thanked my sweet Jesus that NFP was the way my husband and I have always approached our fertility. Times like when my midwife placed my fifth born on my chest. The baby I didn't want. The baby that FREAKED ME OUT. The one who is the current light of my universe.
We had a major NFP moment just last month. After we had baby five, my husband and I realized that we had gotten majorly sloppy with the NFP model we use: Creighton. So lazy in fact, that before baby five was conceived, I just went with the, "I pretty much am doing what I am supposed to be doing." approach. Which when you think about it, is pretty idiotic in ANY type of family planning (the pill especially). Because when it comes to family planning--if you are serious--you've got to give it the proper attention and you have got to be regimented. Forgetting to take a pill, I've heard, can spell B-A-B-Y in no time. It's the same with NFP. If you go at it half-halfheartedly or even worse--half-assedly, the system will not work as it was designed. Which is exactly what happened when we were surprised with the conception of Baby Five. Baby Five was not a result of failed NFP, he was a result of failed implementation of it. But because my husband and I decided long ago that the natural way was the only way for us, we have never put any barriers in God's way. So BAM! God gave us Miracle number five.
Anyway. Back to what happened last month. After the birth of baby five, my husband and I were all like--"Okay babies errywhere is all fun and games, but in our hearts, our pocket book, and in our family life, we have come to peace with the size of our family and would like to avoid pregnancy (those are key terms in NFP--Trying to Avoid vs. Trying to Conceive). So we HIT NFP LIKE NEVER BEFORE. I'm serious. We retook classes and we tracked our fertility like the IRS tracks Wesley Snipes. And after a few months we had it down. One night as we marveled at the beauty of our chart (Yes. We marveled. Because having your NFP shit together is damn right beautiful), we realized that what they say about NFP is true. If you practice it the way it was designed, fertility becomes a partnership. Not just a load for the woman to bare. The weight to prevent or to conceive does not land solely on her shoulders, but is a joint effort. And the thing about marriage is, that when all the big things are done jointly, with conversation and careful consideration (ahem-finances anyone?), the marriage is made stronger. So there we were in the greatest place we had been with our fertility in a long long time.
For all of two seconds.
Then I went to the beach. The same beach I had been to 2 years prior. The same one where I had this random cramping that turned out to be implantation cramping. The cramping that turned out to mean I was unexpectedly pregnant. And wouldn't you know I had the SAME EXACT CRAMPING. So I did what any sane woman would do: I went pure ape shit. Because THIS time was so UNLIKE the last time, in that I was so CONFIDENT in what we were doing. The next step was clear: google like a mother. And google did what it ALWAYS does: made it all worse. My husband noticed I wasn't acting like myself and so I spilled my freaked-out beans. And he loved me through my crazy. But you know sometimes you just need a woman to talk you down from your ledge. So I decided to call a good friend who teaches the Creighton Model we use. I sat on the porch of the condo and spilled my freaked-out beans all over again. But this time I had all kinds of facts about my chart and my observations. My friend had such words of wisdom. She was so encouraging and brought me such peace. I hung up feeling better. Because in my heart I knew that NFP is not a bad word in my life. It has actually given me my life. I don't regret the five children we call our own, I adore them. I have only a profound respect for our fertility and the power that my husband and I have been given to partner with God in the creation of life. I have only abundant thanksgiving that I have never had to put an artificial anything in my body. And I have a radical trust in NFP. Don't all we women have to have a radical trust in the method we choose? Because isn't there a failure rate in it all? In the pill and the ring and the snip and the wrap-it-up method? Don't we all know someone who welcomed a baby when all those methods "failed?" Our method is 98% effective when practiced correctly. The divorce rate for NFP users is less than 5%. It's not easy. Just like family life and marriage, it takes sacrifice and diligence.
As it turns out, there is no Baby Six coming our way. We would have welcomed a baby because baby five taught us that in the end, babies are just about the best thing ever. But I won't say we aren't happy that all of our efforts are not misguided--all our trust misplaced. It is nice to be confident. It's nice after ten years to be able to confidently trust both Science and God to build our family.
My prayers are with you women out there. Our fertility is such a great gift and responsibility. My prayer is that if you practice NFP, you have people to confide in. Over the years I have had many women in my life talk me off the NFP ledge. It is so important to have women you feel confident talking to honestly and openly. If you are not practicing NFP but another method, and are interested in giving this all-natural method a try, contact me. I'll point you to someone who can guide you. Lastly, I urge all of us women to ask questions about the family planning method we use. What are the risks? What are the consequences? What are the perks? Is the method we use making my marriage stronger or driving wedges? Mostly though friends, I pray that your family life abundantly blesses you.
Love,
Alissa
My prayers are with you women out there. Our fertility is such a great gift and responsibility. My prayer is that if you practice NFP, you have people to confide in. Over the years I have had many women in my life talk me off the NFP ledge. It is so important to have women you feel confident talking to honestly and openly. If you are not practicing NFP but another method, and are interested in giving this all-natural method a try, contact me. I'll point you to someone who can guide you. Lastly, I urge all of us women to ask questions about the family planning method we use. What are the risks? What are the consequences? What are the perks? Is the method we use making my marriage stronger or driving wedges? Mostly though friends, I pray that your family life abundantly blesses you.
Love,
Alissa
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