I was watching one of my favorite shows last night on Netflix. In the episode, the main character, Jane, has this crush on her old academic advisor and after a few embarrassing exchanges, finds out that he is actually interested in her too.
He asks her out and before long (2 dates), things escalate. But here is the thing. She is 24 and is a virgin. And she is a virgin on purpose. Meaning she wants to wait to have sex until she is married.
VIRGINITY. ON TV!!!! I KNOW!!! CRAZY, right?
But Jane's hormones are raging and she has decided it is time. With no husband prospects in her life, she has decided that she cannot wait any longer. She decides to accept the advisors prospect for "something casual."
But when the fateful moment arrives, and he grabs a condom--there in the heat of the moment--Jane begins to cry. She tries to pull it together, but the tears just keep pouring out.
She can't go through with it.
Her night of casual "safe" sex is not to be.
This exchange started me thinking about that phrase that gets used so flippantly.
"Safe sex."
When you google the phrase--you get back what we have all heard since we were in middle school--safe sex is peddled to us as a way to help prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.
But sister. I think we have missed entirely something that was made so apparent last night when I watched that episode:
Sex is not something that is just supposed to be safe for our bodies.
Sex is so much more than the sterile, disconnected, functionality of "safe sex."
Sex is supposed to be something that is also safe for our hearts and our souls. The yearning deep within to give ourselves completely and totally to someone and to receive that person completely and totally--well that desire was written into our very existence.
We don't want to merely be kept safe from disease--we want to kept safe from abandonment, loss, and being made an object that is discarded after its use. We want a guarantee that we can freely give ourselves to someone with the understanding that our entire person--heart, mind, soul, body--will be kept safe.
I don't find it odd that Jane started to cry--that something deep inside told her that although her physical desires were strong--they were not the only desires within her. I actually found it touching and refreshing that the old worn out story line--the one where no-strings-attached, casual sex is portrayed at every blink on every channel--was shaken up a little.
So sister, if you are out there reading this and you are wondering if you are worth the kind of sex that you can never regret--if you are wondering if it is even a possibility that there are men who are willing to guarantee the safety of your mind and heart and body and soul--by offering you a ring, a promise, and his life---I am here to tell you that YOU ARE and IT IS. It is not a fairy tale and it is not a lie--and it dang sure ain't a joke.
Beautiful, real, safe, holy, sex is brought about by beautiful, real, holy, safe, sacrificial love.
Don't settle for any less.
You deserve the very best. And so does he.
Love,
Alissa
