I started this blog primarily because I have a profound love for my fellow women. The beauty, strength and uniqueness of women astounds me and my work in youth ministry left me wanting to make sure all women, but especially young women, knew their worth--their value. I set out to speak to their hearts about how much God loves them and how much He wants what is good for them. I practically begged them not to give their hearts or their bodies away to just any man because they are treasure and it was important to me that they saw themselves as such.
Yet in doing all this proclaiming--I feel I have made you out to be the fall guy in all of this--as if guys are to blame for all of the heartbreaks of the world. But when I think of all the amazing young men I have met in youth ministry over the years, I know that this is simply not true. I know so many of them to be kind and good and caring and have decided that it is important that I tell them and you the exact same thing I have told young women:
You have infinite worth and goodness.
God loves you so much.
God wants what is good and true and real for you.
Your value is not based on which girl likes you or how many girls like you or if any girls like you. Your value--your worth--is based only on the fact that you are. You were spoken into existence by a wise and loving God and THAT is the very foundation of what makes you valuable. You are valuable to God. You--and everything that makes you "you" matter to Him.
And friend? I'm wondering how much time you spend with the One who loves you best and most? I wonder if He's the One you offer your love to, before anyone else. Because if you are spending your time trying to be totally fulfilled and completed by a certain woman or a slew of women, I don't think you will ever be satisfied. That is just too big of an expectation. God is the One who made you, so He alone knows how to completely satisfy your heart's deepest desires and needs.
I will tell you that both my husband and I have made the dangerous choice at different times in our marriage to make each other the focus of all our love, attention and devotion instead of God. In the times when we have concerned ourselves with pleasing either only ourselves or only each other rather than pleasing God--when we have taken our eyes off of the prize that is a relationship with God, our marriage has suffered. In fact, one year it almost took us down completely. But on the other hand, when God has been the One we each seek to please and love first and best, we have found that our relationship has thrived. It's like loving God equips us to love each other with a purer and more patient and sacrificial heart.
I think men in general get a bad rap for being out to get only one thing. Too many times men are portrayed as incapable and unwilling to go beyond the surface of a physical relationship to one that is also emotional and spiritual. But then I think of the many young men I have met over the years that have explained that they are tired of the games that often come with the dating scene. The games that are more about who can hurt who the most. Or who can get the most and give the least. There are guys out there who are just as tired of the games as the girls are. They are done with being stuck in the vicious cycle of no-commitment-get-what-I-want-and-get-rid-of-you type of "relationships." But everywhere they look, that is what they find. It starts to feel as though that is the only type of relationship available and that there is no way out.
The optimist in me chooses to believe that this cycle is not where most men want to be, even if they find themselves trapped in it for a minute. No, I think the idea of a true, loving, sacrificial relationship where lying, cheating, manipulating, playing, and dumping are not part of the equation sounds really great to a lot of men. But it is first believing that that kind of relationship can even exist that is difficult. And even if they can believe it, the "how to get there part" is often all the more difficult. I wish I could write out a fool proof equation. But I can't. I can't promise any of the wonderful young men that I know that if they do X, they will get Y. Or if they don't do X, they will get Y---but what I can promise them--and you--with 100% certainty--is that spending time and energy loving Someone who is guaranteed to love you back--is a safe bet.
And the only One, I have ever met that has loved me with a perfect love has been God.
So maybe.
Just maybe.
That's where to start.
I'm praying for you my brother in Christ.
XOXO.
Alissa
