Can I tell you about our backyard?
It's smallish.
But I love it.
It gets afternoon shade.
And it has a Marian grotto surrounded by roses and esperanzas.
There's an old wooden deck.
And a hammock.
Oh and a killer clubhouse for my kids.
The one thing about our backyard though, is that there is this spot where grass refuses to grow. It's bald and ugly and now in the dead heat of summer, it's growing weeds.
As much as I love spending time in our backyard, I can't stand that spot. I spend so much time focusing on and lamenting its very existence that sometimes I can't enjoy the rest of the yard. Anytime I take a picture of our kids in the backyard, I pay careful attention, making sure to place them away from that ugly spot, because GOD FORBID someone sees it and judges me and my lawn-care abilities.
Today as I lay swaying in the hammock, enjoying the afternoon shade, I thought again about the stupid ugly spot. The spot that makes my lovely backyard less than perfect.
I thought about the spot and about you and me. I thought about our ugly spots. The things in our lives that get all of our attention because of how imperfect they make us feel. The things we hide when we smile in the pictures we post. Our broken relationships. Our illnesses. Our anger and our disappointments. Our fear. Our failures. All the spots in our lives that force out the beauty in our days and take up our energy.
I wondered why our ugly shouldn't be considered beautiful. I know that for me, the women who inspire me most are the ones who have been to hell and back and have come out stronger, wiser, deeper, steadier. I wondered why we all try so hard to hide our ugly. What is it about imperfection that makes us want to cover up? I know that spilling our guts all over social media is not the way, but many of us hide our imperfections from those closest to us. From our friends and our families. Life is not perfect. It's messy and hard. And I wonder what would happen if we would just give each other a break. What if I were to say,
"Friend--here is the backyard of my life--over here are some beautiful flowers, and in this corner is my hammock which happens to be my favorite part. And friend? Over here is my ugly spot. I've tried to make it beautiful but it just hasn't worked quite yet. In fact. It's growing weeds. I know it's ugly but could you have a look with me?"
And what if my friend were to say yes. And maybe she could just sit with me and be with me in the ugly and not try to fix it. Or maybe if I was ready to begin trying to grow in that area again, she could help me plant seeds. Or till soil?
What if we helped each other see the beautiful in each other's ugly spots? Because as it turns out, the ugly spots are valuable. I know in my own life, the spots that I've been most embarrassed about--the ones that have torn me up--the ones that have brought me to my knees--are also the ones that have brought me to a new place of growth and beauty.
I am learning I don't have to try so hard to be perfect. And friend? Neither do you. We don't have to look so hard for perfection in ourselves or in anyone else. Because just like my backyard, there is beautiful in everyone. I have to do a better job reminding myself to give people the room to work through their ugly spots. I've got to look harder and search out the beauty that sometimes they themselves don't even see.
It's hard for sure, because the world hangs its hat on perfection. Ugly makes the world uncomfortable and we have been trained to want everything to be okay all the time. I'm trying to learn how to sit through the uncomfortable and awkward and not try to fix and force everything to be the way I have dreamed it up in my mind.
My prayer is that you have a safe place to take the hard and ugly parts of your life. My safe places have been my life savers. I want you to know that I have profound respect for the battle you wage during your ugly spots. These ugly spots do not define you, but they do play a big role in growing you and that deserves profound respect. I hope though, that you can look up from those spots every now and again and see the hammocks, clubhouses, roses and esperanzas of your own life. I pray that the beauty will one day find its way back to being the focus. And who knows? Maybe one day, the really ugly--turned--beautiful spots in our lives, will turn out to be the ones we are the most proud of.
Love you in the midst of all the hard,
Alissa
My Ugly, Beautiful Backyard Spot
